I am more like my dog than I realize. Despite our rigorous (or not so rigorous) training efforts there remain instances where all training disappears and his attention is wholly elsewhere. On a recent morning run, it dawned on me just how similar we are. For both humans and dogs, our fight/flight response kicks in when we feel threatened.
I’ve categorized Beta’s threats into three main categories:
Things that are BIG (busses, dump trucks, snowplows)
Things that are FAST (speeding cars, cyclists)
Things that are LOUD (delivery trucks, door knocks, leaf blowers, vacuums)
We encounter these situations multiple times every day, and each time I hear the dog trainer’s voice in my head, “YOU need to give him a job, or he will choose one for himself.” Beta’s choice of jobs involve my least favorite behaviors - barking, chewing, chasing. Instead, I’d prefer him to sit quietly as the big, fast or loud distraction passes. In my make-believe world, Beta sits watching me as the bus-snowplow-bike parade passes, after which I reward him with a treat and we move on.
He is not quite there yet. Turns out, I am not quite there yet either.
The jobs Beta gives himself, fueled by his innate fight/flight response, parallel my default reactions. When something catches me by surprise - a BIG feeling, a sudden (FAST) change of plan, dissonance, my immediate response is, like Beta’s, the opposite of sitting quietly. While I may not bark, lunge or chase, my immediate emotional response feels that way - a bit wild and out of control.
Big, fast and loud things are threatening. As I consistently work with my dog on sitting as an appropriate response to these threats, I notice that I am working on the very same things for myself. Meditation, pausing and reframing are all tools that I use personally, and as a parent, as alternatives to our impulsive responses. Meditating develops the literal and figurative sitting muscle, while pausing offers a moment to choose a different response and reframing allows me to consider a different perspective.
My concern for Beta is that his chosen response will lead to harm - bolting in front of a bus or chasing a bike and causing a crash isn’t safe for him or others. The same is true for me, my kids - all of us. Lashing out or getting angry when we are startled can result in regretful statements, damaged relationships or physical violence. Sitting might be a safer, more productive response.
It's taking consistent practice to get Beta to accept, or even consider, his new job of sitting quietly when threatened, and I suppose I’m no different. Each time I catch myself reacting to life's big, fast, or loud moments, I try to remember that I too have a choice: to react instinctively or to sit with the discomfort until it passes.
I love that the concepts I read about in self-improvement books, contemplate with friends over coffee and meditate on come to life in our every day. Sometimes it just takes looking at my dog to see that so many of the world’s critters are working on the very same things - learning how to respond to the big, fast and loud things that threaten us.
Great analogy Kristi. The dog trainer in me has to comment though! As you accurately stated, when dogs are faced with a scary thing, their options are fight or flight. The reason that dogs often react to scary things (barking, lunging, biting)--especially when they are on a leash-- is because their flight option has been taken away. Thus, their only remaining option is to "fight" (i.e., react). What do we tell people who encounter a bear in the woods? Try to make yourself big and scary by waving your arms, yelling and lunging! In dog training, we generally start by managing the fear-- i.e., giving the dog the option of flight (so moving away from the scary thing-- in fact we actually teach owners and their dogs a "retreat" command) and then slowly introduce desensitization and counter conditioning-- changing the dog's feelings about and ultimately behaviors towards the scary things... so they aren't so scary anymore. Both of these techniques work for humans too and I am going to challenge you to work them into the scenario you described...maybe in a follow up post? Thank you for letting me comment! :)