I cut it all off

The things we wonder about, and when we decide to act

For years I have wondered what it would be like to have really short hair. My hair has always been long, and things like “What if it’s harder to manage?” “What if I can’t pull it back” and “What if they don’t like it?” have kept me from cutting it.

But the thought kept nagging.

Finally, I stopped wondering and just did it. The whole process has me thinking about the things we wonder about and when we act.

Making the decision to cut my hair has little material consequence, yet such a decision, especially one I have been contemplating for a while, offers great internal value. Testing ourselves with small decisions can build our courage for larger ones, take us out of our comfort zone, boost our confidence and keep us from later regret.

I have written about the “what ifs” before. But I’ve only tackled the “what if worries,” the things we worry about happening when we are nervous, scared or apprehensive. While a small amount of contemplating worst case scenarios keeps us aware of our surroundings, dwelling in this space leads to stress and paralysis. But these aren’t the only types of what ifs. There are other things we contemplate that warrant deeper thought and deserve our attention. These are the “what if wonders.”

“What if I moved to a totally new place?”

“What if I took that class?”

“What if I entered that race?”

“What if I got a tattoo?”

“What if I said yes and to that spontaneous trip?”

“What if I cut my hair really short?”

These wonders can be fleeting, passing thoughts that we don’t ever intend to act on. Other times they persist. They might be things that take us out of our comfort zone or challenge us to seize the moment. To these thoughts I apply the regret test, an exercise where I imagine my future self and contemplate whether I would regret letting this wonder pass me by. Imagining hypothetical futures brings clarity. In the futures where I imagine myself unfulfilled, wishing I had tried, I have found my answer of what action I need to take in the moment. Resistance may still accompany this desire to act. Next, it’s time to dive deeper, to identify the hold-up:

Fear?

Effort?

Time?

Inertia?

Money?

In recent years, the reality of aging has transformed my what if wonders from idle thoughts into calls to action. Midlife has brought with it an urgency to seize opportunities that, up to this point, have felt easy to push off to “later.” Perhaps its that I sense the time I have left with my boys at home growing more finite or that my good health now is something I can’t take for granted, but it feels that later has arrived. It’s time to act on what I wonder about. Applying this thought process can result in major life decisions and feelings of empowerment - that you are truly living and being intentional about your life. Some of the wonders that have captured my attention this year have led me to…

Leave my job

Start this newsletter

Join a women’s cycling team

Take a 6-week camping trip

Enroll in a book writing class

Cut my hair

I am somewhat amused at this roughly chronological list. The gravity of the decision to leave my job vs. cut my hair didn’t happen in the order I might have expected. Perhaps it’s not a general rule that acting on the small wonders builds courage for us to act on larger ones; rather it is the act of considering these things at all that develops a muscle that gets stronger with each action. Our ability to act on what we are curious about builds momentum.

There are countless other what ifs that have passed through without much thought, and there are others still nagging me to consider them further, to apply the regret test. Not only does acting on these things serve me well, I hope it offers an example to my boys - it’s worth doing what we fear, testing the limits of our comfort zone and building courage.

When Kat, my friend and stylist, made the first cut, more than 18 inches of my hair fell to the floor. I felt a rush of adrenaline.

I know it is just hair, but I left the salon feeling satisfied - a little lighter, a little bolder.

What’s next?