"I'm having a hard time"
From toddler wisdom to shared experience
When my oldest son was two and a half he looked up at me as I was getting dressed for work one day and said with much angst, “Mommy, I am having a haaaard time.” His emotion mixed with his toddler lisp and dropped “r’s” made me stifle a smile. But he was very serious.
With what, I wondered, could this tiny, floppy haired human be having a hard time?!
We sat down to talk about it, and while the details of his turmoil have long since left me, this image of him expressing such hardship has endured. Now, nine years later, when he’s having a hard time, he doesn’t express those words, but I still imagine the two-year-old version of him, nested somewhere within this growing, maturing boy, uttering them in earnest.
I wondered where he had come up with that phrase, and over the next few weeks I heard my answer. He had gotten it from me. I noticed that those are the words I say out loud when I am having a tough time - sometimes it’s with big things like working through interpersonal conflict or figuring out how to handle a parenting situation, but other times I say it over the mundane: making a left turn on a busy road or figuring out what to make for dinner. I never realized that I say this exact phrase out loud, and so frequently! But as is so often the case, my 2-year-old not only noticed, he adopted it.
This feeling, no matter how we express it, is universal. At times we all experience “I’m having a hard time.”
I was reminded of this earlier in the week. A fellow writer in my book year course offered a helpful suggestion. I have been struggling a bit with who my book is for. While I hope that all will be able to find that it contains helpful nuggets on navigating life’s challenges, I feel most passionate about directing this toward parents. My colleague suggested that I frame my reflections and ideas in the book around common parenting challenges - where we all may connect through our “having a hard time” moments.
I loved this idea of writing with a purpose that would directly serve my audience - a marriage between what I am interested in sharing and what others are interested in learning.
I mentioned that I may be soliciting all of you for thoughts as I embarked upon this year of writing. Here I am with my first request. I’d like you to pop your parent hat on - it doesn’t matter if your kids are on the way, out of the house or very much nested under your roof. I welcome the thoughts of all parents - pet parents, kid parents, guardians, stepparents, grandparents and single parents. Maybe you don’t have kids but you want to draw upon the experience of being a kid or maybe you are surrounded by friends and family who are raising children. All of your perspectives are valuable and will help me create something that speaks to our shared struggles, not just my own view of what's hard.
When do you feel like you have a hard time? And if you’re interested, what’s helped you through? Your response could take many forms, and I’m interested in learning whatever you are willing to share - no challenge is too mundane or too big. We face logistical, emotional and physical challenges all the time, and I’d love for you to share what feels hard to you about navigating life with little people.
Here are some examples of what I mean (anything is fair game!):
The logistical - getting out the door, mealtimes, time management, never bringing a coat or constant forgetting
The emotional - negativity, music choices, lack of effort
The physical - staying patient when tired, carrying everyone’s things, constant laundry
Your response can be one word or 100 words, and if it feels good for you to pop your challenge in the comments, please feel free. If you’d rather email me, that’s great too, and if an anonymous form is more your style, here you go:
For the purposes of my research and this project, I will use your insights to identify common themes and challenges. If there was ever a specific story that I wanted to reference, I would only do so with additional conversation and your permission.
Thank you for sharing your hard times. Your thoughts and experiences will help me craft something that speaks to the universal challenges within our individual parenting journeys. (One final request!) My reach with this newsletter is still growing, so I welcome you to share this with others who might want to contribute their perspectives. Together, I believe we can create something meaningful.
I will keep this form open through the end of 2025, but at the end of April, I’ll do a random drawing from those who have submitted thoughts and contact info (comments, form or email) for a complementary book of your choice!