"In It" Part 11

Just keep swimming

A new installment to my “In It” series where I explore the realtime emotions, confusion, wins and head-scratchers of going through a career & life transition.

These posts are always the most raw. By nature, sharing about what I am feeling in the moment is a vulnerable proposition as I attempt to bring language to confusion and often fleeting emotions. Wrangling life’s messiness into words is tricky; however, the exercise is valuable - it gives me opportunity to own what I am feeling and question whether it is true. Language also serves as a bridge, giving substance to the ideas in our head so they can become actionable.

With that preamble, here’s where I am “in it” right now.

After a 9-month career break, I am back in the game. I have landed at a company I know well. And while I have not worked here previously, I have developed several relationships with members of the team from my time as their client. These people are important to me - they are the reason I am here.

It has been a long time since I have started something new. The last time I was in a brand new role at a new company was in 2010. I had a Blackberry, no kids and a car with 30,000 miles. Fast forward. I now have a phone that can talk to me, 8 and 11-year-old boys and a car that has rolled nearly 270,000 miles (I love that car!). Lots has changed. What hasn’t changed is that feeling you get when you are the new person - that combination of excitement and apprehension, the imposter syndrome that pops up, the thrill of building something.

I am incredibly fortunate to have been brought in as a senior level strategist. The role is new, and the job description is intentionally loose. These are the experiences I love - to be able to forge a trail and navigate a path that connects departments, ideas and adds value. This lack of structure can also present challenges. It means that people within the organization may not fully understand what I am doing or how we might be able to work together, and I don’t have clear answers for them…yet. The nature of such a role means that it takes time to assess the landscape and identify where this new path should be forged and how it can connect to the existing network of trails and roads. This is not necessarily fast work, but it is important work. It’s what I was hired for.

I know this, and yet I see the urgency of those around me who have desks full of work. I want to help them, I want to feel useful. I remind myself that right now my usefulness is in the long game. Like coaches, I have Covey and Godin in my head reminding me of the difference between urgent and important tasks. Soon I know that I will have plenty of things requiring my urgent attention; now is my opportunity to assess, to build - to help others with these important things that can be pushed aside when the urgent pile of tasks mounts.

As a person who values getting things done, I like having tangible examples to show for my work. Being comfortable with an immediate lack of deliverables is difficult.

Though what I love about these experiences of discomfort and uncertainty is that they increase our capacity for empathy. They expand our ability to relate to one another and give us opportunities to grow. What’s challenging about these experiences is that they sometimes cause us to question and doubt ourselves.

I am leaning into the idea that self-questioning isn’t inherently negative. As long as we stay curious and don’t get too wrapped up in unhelpful narratives, this type of introspection allows us to reflect on our strengths and ponder how we find balance when our footing feels shaky. I find myself thinking of Dory from Disney’s Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming.” I feel most comfortable when I keep moving. By doing the things I can and know how to do, I expand my knowledge and slowly start to see more of the picture - like exploring a new world in a video game where each step reveals another part of the map.

These are my strengths: I am good at building relationships, connecting dots, articulating ideas and communicating. In these first weeks of my new role, these are the strengths that will keep me swimming. Set up meetings and get to know people; ask lots of questions; share what I am noticing; discuss possibilities and keep communicating. Each day I will learn more, grow more and feel more grounded. The challenge is to stay patient, embrace the uncertainty and just keep swimming.

Thank you for joining me on this “In It” journey. I am so grateful to my friends who have encouraged me to chronicle this process as it has unfolded. It’s been so valuable to share the tough stuff along with the wins. My hope is that through this process of sharing in real time we get stronger together. I’ll keep writing and sharing - just wanted to express my gratitude for your support. Thank you.