These are a [bunch] of my favorite things

The coffee shop in Boise with my favorite breakfast granola bowl

I was riding bikes with a friend this week, when he made an observation, “You sure have a lot of favorites!”

I had been telling him about one of my favorite hikes that he had to do while he was in town. Then I told him about our favorite spot up the canyon where we were going to celebrate Mike’s birthday later that day. Earlier on the ride, I had mentioned that my kids took me to my favorite coffee shop when we were in Boise for Mother’s Day, and had readily shared my favorite local coffee shop when he asked where he should go the next morning. I’d even offered up my favorite bakery if he needed a treat. Hmmm…that is a lot of favorites. And all from one conversation. I drove home pondering his comment.

The definition of favorite connotes “best of,” implying that just a small few exist in such company. Yet, I break my life into such tiny segments, that I have a favorite for each one: favorite short hike, favorite long hike, favorite hike for wildflower viewing, favorite hike in the morning, favorite hike with kids, favorite hike if I’m going alone…I have a favorite coffee shop in each city I frequent and a favorite snack at each one. I enjoy favorite dishes at restaurants and a favorite breakfast each morning. The list is long and continues to grow. Because I am a creature of habit, these favorite things, (even though there are many, many favorite things), bring comfort and joy to my life.

But if I am asked to categorize broadly, I squirm. When my kids prompt me for my favorite color, book, movie, ice cream flavor, dinner, stuffed animal or hike. I am totally stuck. I need parameters, context, a specific situation. If they say, “Mom, no clarifying questions!” I am at a loss. I can’t do it. And don’t get me started on the plethora of self-assessment / personality questionnaires. I love them as tools, I loathe completing them. The categories are too broad, I can’t satisfy my need to ask questions.

If I had to pinpoint when this all started it would be one Thanksgiving dinner nearly three decades ago. I was in college, and instead of a cross country trip home just before Christmas, I stayed east and celebrated with a friend. The meal was over, and it was time for pie. Each of my friend’s several aunts (I can’t remember exactly how many) had baked an apple pie, and as the new-comer, I was quickly deemed “impartial judge” and asked to name the best pie. I remember thinking, “Oh no! How could I possibly choose?” Not only was the assignment eliciting a sort of claustrophobia, the thought of upsetting any of these competitive pie-baking sisters, also my generous hosts, was mortifying. So I ate forkfuls of pie and conjured a solution. Then, finished eating, with all eyes on me, I launched into my verdict:

”Well, this one had the best crust. This one, the best texture. This one had the best apple flavor, and this one tasted most like my mom’s.”

Though humored by my diplomatic selection, I think they had been searching for something more definitive. They wanted a “best,” (singular). But best and worst, good and bad, black and white, these dichotomous labels are not for me. When I hear, “That was awful.” Or “Perfect!” I feel the same squirminess I feel when asked to choose a favorite. Was it really awful or perfect? The world has much more nuance than that, and this nuance is what I naturally try to parse out when I am choosing my favorite things. When I dive into the nuance, I learn more and am able to make more informed opinions. I find favorite things.

Does my propensity to categorize and choose favorites in this way come from my excitement about discovering what’s great in lots of things or is it derived from a deep-seated worry that I will let someone or something down? I wonder if the answer really matters and what it might look like to consider this idea in the context of some of life’s broader, more complex categories - the ones that can be more difficult to parse out so neatly. Things like career, home, and life priorities…

The truth is that this approach does lead me to develop lots of favorites! And having so many favorite things brings me a lot of joy. Joy I get to share with others when I make recommendations and joy I feel when I anticipate experiencing places and things again. This funny realization adds to my excitement of moving to a new place - lots of possibilities to add new favorite coffee shops, restaurants, pie, and hiking trails to my list. So, if you ever find yourself in need of a recommendation, you know where to find me. I have lots of favorites and apparently, I am very happy to share.