Things I'll Admit...Now

The freedom of embracing our weaknesses

I like to take long showers.

I enjoy potato chips.

I get cold.

These things are all true facts about me, and it was only recently that I was able to admit them.

For years, I wouldn’t take long showers or even admit that I enjoyed them because I felt guilty for using too much water or for taking too much time for myself.

On a recent road trip, I finally admitted to myself, my family and anyone who was interested that I do, in fact, like potato chips. This confession came after years of avoiding the salty snacks, giving the excuse that I didn’t like them.

As a kid when we would go skiing, my mom would ask if I was cold, and through chattering teeth and with blue lips, I would reply, “no, I am not cold,” priding myself on the fact that I could handle chilly weather when others couldn’t.

My recent willingness to admit things that I have long masked with an outward expression of the exact opposite has me reflecting on why. Whether it’s because of a perceived expectation, a self-imposed desire to be viewed a certain way or a manifestation of perfectionism, the result is the same: for years, I haven’t been able to be honest with myself about things I enjoy. 

I recently read Arthur Brook’s From Strength to Strength, and a quote from that book feels relevant here:

“When you are honest and humble about your weaknesses, you will be more comfortable in your own skin…To share your weakness without caring what others think is a kind of superpower.”

As I think about the “weaknesses” I have shared above, I realize that they don’t objectively appear to be weaknesses - many people (most perhaps) wouldn’t think twice about them. But, for some reason, I have perceived each of these as a weakness, something I’ve been ashamed of. To be able to talk about them now does make me feel more comfortable in my own skin.

Writing about liking potato chips earlier this year was freeing - like I had chipped away a piece of armor that I had been hiding behind for a long time. It opened the door for me to think of other truths I might be masking, and having admitted the one made it easier to get in touch with more. 

Why admit these things now? 

Becoming a parent changed me. It made me more comfortable with myself and more self-reflective. As my boys get older, I desperately want them to know themselves. Sometimes I watch them test the waters of their own opinions, dancing around certain ones to see the reactions they get from me and my husband before committing. I can see a future where they are making decisions based on what others think, and I don't want this. I want them to own how they feel, what they like and how they think about the world around them irrespective of our opinions.

If I want this for them, how can I model it? 

It’s been both fun and empowering to share the things I didn’t used to admit. My hope is that by sharing my process and struggles, they will realize that their unique likes, dislikes and opinions have a place in this world too. 

I have not only been able to connect on a deeper level with my kids over these “weakness” admissions, but I also feel a deeper connection to myself and others. What I used to wear as a badge of pride - not getting cold, eschewing long showers and avoiding potato chips - separated me from people. Embracing these truths, instead allows me to make deeper connections. Even if others don’t share the same feelings, I feel like people can know me more genuinely vs. seeing a veneer that reflected an image I portrayed.

This business of discovering who we are vs. hiding behind expectations and judgements is definitely a journey. Every little nugget we uncover, each truth we are able to admit is a step along the way to living our authentic lives. 

I love thinking of it as a superpower - I bet you have it too. 

Thanks to two dear friends for our recent book discussion, which helped pull this post together and bring it to life.