Wobbly Legs

The value of learning new skills

My legs felt totally out of my control, like I was a newborn horse just learning to walk. My ankles were wobbly, and I couldn’t figure out what muscles to engage so that I would feel stable. This was definitely not running - the fairly straightforward athletic pursuit I have done for years.

This winter, I was determined to learn to skate ski.

I looked across the fields at the miles of groomed trails where others were gliding in a rhythm that looked both elegant and effortless, their dogs trotting along beside them. This was so appealing. This is what I imagined myself doing.

But my legs were not yet capable of this vision.

Watching my 9-year-old son, who also just picked up the sport this season, was only marginally helpful. He was doing drills where he and his teammates ran on their skis, hopped on one foot, and played tag. Youth was an asset that was not on my side.

Very quickly, my ego popped up to say hello. It was not kind. It invited self-consciousness along too.

“You look silly. You are athletic, you should be better at this.” It would have been easy to give in, abandon the effort for a myriad of alternatives. I could go for a run, plop down next to the field and watch Elliot ski, I could wait in the car and do some work.

But I was determined to learn.

I enlisted the help of Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic, where she invites all of the unwanted emotions she experiences during her creative journey to have a seat in the car. The rule is that these judgmental pals get to come along but they have no decision-making power. They cannot choose the music, fiddle with the navigation, or take the wheel. They are acknowledged (vs. suppressed, which always seems to backfire), but they are inactive passengers.

This is where I sat my ego as I approached my incredibly patient friend who had agreed to teach me. For over an hour we circled the same 500 meter loop - over, and over, and over. Just as I would start to feel more comfortable, I would wobble, flail or tip over. My shins were sore. I was convinced that I was doing it wrong.

But a week later I went out. And to my total surprise, I had actually improved. I was still a bit wobbly but overall I was smoother, more stable, the shin discomfort subsided, and I ventured beyond the 500 meter loop.

I was not about to give up.

While I’ve been out just a handful of times this winter, I am excited about continuing to learn. As an adult, it feels like it’s been a long time since I have learned a completely new physical skill. The experience has made me realize how valuable it is to try new things as we age. It teaches us to sit with discomfort, face our fears, and offers valuable perspective that we often expect from those around us, especially kids.

As I was slipping around the circle, some more book wisdom came to mind. This time it was the brilliance of The Pout Pout Fish Goes to School. In Diesen’s masterful rhyming, the fish’s teacher offers this reminder, “you aren’t supposed to know the things you haven’t learned yet.”

Deborah Diesen’s The Pout Pout Fish Goes to School: https://deborahdiesen.com/books/poutpoutschool/

This is so true.

Propelled by the wisdom of the pout pout fish, I kept trying.

It’s ok to struggle.

It’s ok to ask for help.

It’s ok to look silly.

It’s ok to put yourself out there.

You aren’t supposed to know what you don’t know yet.

As I get older, my biggest fear is that I’ll let fear drive, that I’ll stop doing things because it feels too hard, too scary, not worth it.

I can’t let this be true.

When we take on the challenge of learning new things, we continue to grow, we continue to be the drivers of our lives and let fear, self-consciousness, doubt, and worry all sit back and watch.